Triggering everything 

I’ve avoided using my blog to enter into all the social justice and political debates. Twitter has been my outlet for this but it can be a pain to navigate because of all its limitations. But now I’ve decided to make increased use of this blog. 

America has become a really weird place. According to many, most of the values I embrace are antiquated, bigoted, racist, sexist and fit into one or more phobias.  There are many voices of reason though with whom I agree, ie Ben Shapiro, Steve Crowder, Gavin McInnes and many others.

It’s a good thing these people exist and have a voice. Unfortunately I don’t have their platform because, honestly, no one cares what I think or have to say. So at the risk of inviting a few scattered hate comments from those who allege to be the most tolerant of all, I’m throwing my opinions out there for all who might be interested in one more person to dislike.

There are so many topics to address it’s really difficult to choose one. I think I’d like to dive into the one about gender. Why not? I’ve heard it said that gender and sex are not the same. And yet, they really are. If you are born male, you’re a boy and if you’re born female you are a girl. When you visit the newborn nursery at a hospital you see boy babies and girl babies. You never see a sign marked, undecided or to be determined. There are many things in life left up to choice. A career, a place to live, a spouse. Sex is not one of them. Just like you cannot choose your parents or the location of your birth you do not get to choose whether you are a boy or a girl, a man or a woman. You can pretend but your body knows what it is.

It is a shame that so many people have decided to live in a fantasy world and are trying to get everyone else to live there as well. I am perfectly fine with reality. All the surgeries, cross dressing and weird names are not going to change the truth. 

Males are males and females are females. I don’t even need to prove this. Penises and vaginas have made the difference very clear.

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Minimizing my minimalism 

Since starting this journey I’m learning a lot. My most recent revelation is that I do not want to live my life according to a term.  I am a member of a few groups defining themselves as “Minimalists” and have found lots of interesting people and useful information. But I have come to believe that many are living within this set of quotation marks who seem almost afraid that they won’t be true to the title if they don’t quite fit the mold.

Let’s go back a bit further. 

I’ve been a Christian for many, many years. More than half my life. For a long time I tried to make sure that I fit the term. I used all the right jargon. Made sure I called everyone brother or sister, said amen a lot. You know what I mean.  After many years, saying and doing all the right things almost seemed more important than the goal. The Bible is my handbook, the written source of all I know about God. But just reading it and carrying it doesn’t create a personal relationship with Christ. I have that now.  But it isn’t because I fit the mold. It’s because of the relationship that I have developed with Jesus over the years. Like marriage, the commitment takes a second but the relationship can take a lifetime.

Not my house

Back to the present 

I took a dream job on a ship where I would have very little space for stuff. I planned to be gone for 6 months and it didn’t make sense to keep paying for an apartment and utilities and so I left it all behind. The monetary value of my possessions was less than the cost of keeping them in storage for 6 months. At first I tried selling things. I did sell a few items but the clock was ticking and I had to be on a plane by a specific day. After distributing the most sentimental items to my kids I had to figure out what to do with everything else. I’ll admit it was difficult. There was nothing that I could not eventually use again in the future. But my plan was to be at sea for a couple of years. Little did I suspect that this would change and instead I’d be back in less than 3 months. You can go back and read about that another time.

And so, minimalism, was thrust upon me. But I embraced it. I took it to the utmost degree. One day I dragged my old sofa outside and not having a truck, hacked away at it with a hammer until I could haul it away in tiny pieces in the trunk of my small car. I removed every item from upstairs and brought it downstairs. The clock was ticking faster. If someone came in to buy a chair, they left with a bunch of other stuff as well. A hoarder would have been devastated by my wonton disbursement of all that I’d  accumulated. 

Not my house

I was by no means a packrat. Before the kids grew up and before my wife passed away, we had already downsized to move from our house into an apartment. But that is another story.

My goal was to only have what would fit and could be stored in my car, which would stay in storage at a family member’s home.

I met that goal. 

Now here I am just a few months later with much less than most minimalists. What is not in my car is in the room where I am staying. I recently went on a road trip up north and literally had all that I own with me. 

Not my house

As minimal as I have become,  I am avoiding the definition. I’ll admit that when I first started I embraced it wholeheartedly. I watched the videoes, joined the groups and took pride in this new identity. I made sure my Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and other profiles all specifically identified me as a “minimalist” with extra large quotation marks!

I suddenly realized that I was doing the same thing I had previously done with Christianity. I was making sure I had the fish symbol on my car, went to every service, was on several church boards, etc. It was not until after I’d lost my wife that I realized that seeking God was the goal, not just talking the talk. 

Not my house

The same is true of what we are calling minimalism. I seek a simple, happy,  uncluttered lifestyle. I’m getting pretty darn close. It’s a bit late in life but sometimes you must lose a lot to figure out what is important. There is still a lot of tweaking to be done.  Ultimately,  satisfaction will not come to me be because I only have a chair and a tv and one piece of art on the wall. It won’t because I have less clothes than everyone else. It will be due to finally figuring out who I am and what I want my life to look like. With God’s grace I am going to get there.
Comments, questions and subscribers to this blog are appreciated. 

A word about Christmas, Minimalism and Gifts. 

The time is coming. It’s not even Thanksgiving and stores are full of trees and decorations for sale. We have not even had the opportunity to be thankful for what we have before getting ready to make a list of what we want.

For many, the spiritual aspect of Christmas is all but gone. No, it isn’t Giftmas. What once was a sacred occasion is nothing more than a time for stores to make as much profit as possible.

Now that I’ve ventured into the world of minimalism I’m getting to see a whole new side of Christmas that had really not been so much of an issue for me. But for many, it’s a big deal. And not just Christmas. It’s about birthdays, anniversaries and any other holiday, religious or not, where gifts are involved.

As minimalists desperately try to purge unwanted possessions, many dread situations where they are in danger of receiving unwelcome clutter in the form of a gift.

While I am no expert of etiquette and relatively new to minimalism I will offer my opinion, right or wrong, for you to consider and glean from it any portion you deem useful. What I have to say is not only for minimalists.

The conversation that arises is how to let others know that you don’t want any gifts or at least none that you won’t appreciate. Why let others waste money, time and effort on something that you don’t want? This is not an unreasonable mentality but there is much to think about on both sides.

For many, Christmas, birthdays and such are times for giving and many enjoy giving. And so picking out gifts for loved ones is a great pleasure. As the potential receiver you can’t take that away from them. It’s not your responsibility or place to tell others how to spend their money.

At the same time, gifters have some opportunities here. Since the last time they went shopping they have had an entire year to learn about what loved ones value and what their lifestyle is. Hopefully, as a gifter you know enough about your loved ones to show that not only did you take the time to shop, but you also took the time to learn about that person. Shopping for a minimalist can be hard work and frustrating because they seem to want nothing. Often whatever you get them might be regifted, exchanged or returned. Worse yet, it might get tossed in the trash. That is why, having a whole year is plenty of time to figure out when a gift card is a much better gift than a cheese slicer.

I am not a fan of Christmas lists. They are self indulgent and teach kids to think of themselves. It creates an air of expectation and entitlement. Parents have a whole year to learn what their kids like and don’t like. They shouldn’t need a list.

As receivers of gifts, no one, minimalists included, should fear the undesired gift. It is not your responsibility to make sure that your loved one is spending his or her money wisely. If they have not learned enough about you to know the best gift for you, take whatever it is, be grateful you were thought of and say a sincere thank you. So what if you end up giving it away, it didn’t cost you anything. So what if you didn’t get what you wanted. Go out and buy it yourself. You are entitled to nothing. You didn’t earn it, it didn’t cost you anything. A gift is just that, a gift. The giver has no obligation to give it or to make sure it will be appreciated. Receive it in the spirit it was given and say that you.

So stop worrying about getting the word out that you don’t want or need anything or that you have a list that others should adhere to. The world will not end because you got something you don’t want. Your life will not be ruined.

Merry Christmas

Travel trailers, tiny houses and such

Although I’m still not in the market yet, I spend a lot of time looking at sites and videos about everything from apartments to tiny houses to light weight travel trailers.  My desire to travel keeps me from being willing to settle on something fixed. An apartment is probably not going to suit me until I’m too old to travel.

I have lived in rental apartments and also in my own house, so I can appreciate the idea of owning what I live in. That is why I am still so interested in a travel trailer. Because I’ve shed myself of nothing but the bare minimum of stuff, I don’t need much room.  So as I do my research I tend to seek out the smallest trailers available. 

Even though these are really cool looking and easy enough to pull, since it is going to be my house, it must have all I need and  especially all I want.  Even though I’ve become very minimal in my needs, I have no desire to track down places to shower or use the bathroom. By attaching solar panels I can have a supply of electricity and these rigs mostly have a way to keep water onboard for showers. 

I’ve ruled out the wetbath as a way to have both an onboard toilet and shower. There is something icky about combining these two. 

Without getting anything too big, there seems to be plenty of trailers with a separate toilet and shower, some that even include a sink although not having one in the bathroom would not be a deal breaker. Since the kitchen would have one, I would not be opposed to shaving or brushing my teeth there. A floor plan like the one below would be okay. 

As I look around at these I find that a lot of space is taken up with a queen size bed. I’ve become accustomed to only a twin so more than that would be wasted on me. Another thing I’ve found is that a lot of space is taken up with dining booths.

I am pretty sure I could get by with something about half this size or even just a tray to eat on. I don’t see any reason to be equipped for company in a travel trailer.  The queen bed and the table for four very much contradicts the space provided for clothes. I would rather have a smaller bed, a smaller dining area but more space for clothes. A little more floor space wouldn’t hurt either.

All this makes me wonder if I would be better off purchasing an older trailer and modifying it. The problem with this is that I don’t tend to be very gifted in this area and could tear things up. I could end up worse off than how I started. I’d also have to borrow or rent tools an equipment and have a place to do the conversion and stay until it’s done. 

I’m also looking at tiny houses that are supposed to be meant for someone on the move. The problem I see with these is that they don’t appear to be very aerodynamic. They look too much like a traditional house from the exterior. Why can’t someone come up with a hybrid? Perhaps they already have. If so please point me in the right direction as I would definitely like to see some. 

Blessings and burdens of a lone traveler 

As I explained previously, I made the decision, right or wrong, to prematurely end my cruise ship employment contract. There is no sense rehashing the reasons here when you can simply read that post.

Until I find an occupation that will make me happy and while I have some free time it seemed like a good idea to take a roadtrip. Without much planning, I left one morning to drive from Tennessee to New Jersey and New York to visit with family.

This,  I suppose,  would go to the pro column. If you decide to suddenly hit the road, the only person who can veto your plan is you. At the same time and chalking a point up to the con side, there is no one to advise you against making such a trip without having made at least something of a plan. It’s all on you.

Being alone, depending on the circumstances that lead to it, is both a blessing and a curse. I never desired to be without my wife, never looked forward to a time when she would be gone so that I could be free to do my own thing. On the contrary, I assumed that we would simply go on and on, never for one moment having even the most remote notion that I would outlive her. So making plans to do things by myself, even after over five years without her, is still not comfortable. 

When starting out on a trip, a strange feeling comes over me, as though I’m trespassing onto private property. The farther away I get from what is familiar the more uncomfortable. My dad had a phobia, among many others, of traveling far from home.  Despite my discomfort, I push on, switching my focus from where I’m leaving to where I’m going. I refuse to allow myself to be victim or cater to such fears. 

At one time, not even that long ago, I could barely drive a couple of hours before struggling to keep my eyes open. Yet, on the last couple of trips, much to my surprise,  I stayed alert from morning till night. Traveling alone means the freedom to stop or continue as you please but there is also no one to take the wheel while you rest. I don’t see well at night and driving on dark highways is very scary and difficult. Not only does sleep want to have its way, but for me, driving on a highway at night is like pushing toward an abyss. I’d rather pull into a rest stop and have an uncomfortable sleep in my car than continue. Sometimes that is exactly what I have done. My car is rather small and not the best for a nights sleep but it does save a lot of money. One advantage of traveling alone is that if you decide to do something weird like sleep in your car, there is no one to tell you that you can’t.

Since taking on a minimalist lifestyle, most of what I own is already in my car. For those who still have a home, a downside of traveling alone is that there is no one to remind you of what you might have forgotten. Even if you make a checklist it’s only going to be as complete as the person who wrote it could think of. Again, it’s all on you.

One thing I don’t really enjoy is sitting in a restaurant by myself. It feels lonely and awkward.  On the other hand, you can eat when, where and what you want. If I am going to stop for a meal I like breakfast the best. I had some really great bagel sandwiches on this last trip. 

The best part of traveling alone is stopping anywhere that looks interesting even if it is not on your agenda. Once I went way out of my way to go check out an area I’d missed only to be disappointed when I got there. I wish I’d had someone to talk me out of that one or at least share the blame. The worst part is that when you see or experience something really cool there is no one with you to share it.  On this last trip I actually stopped a stranger to tell him how awesome a sight was. He probably thought I was nuts.  If not for being able to post on social media allthose moments of “Hey, look at that!” might have been lost.

If I should ever increase the frequency or distance I travel in the future I would seriously think about joining some organization for single travelers. As a rather shy and mostly introverted individual I suspected that I would prefer being alone when traveling. Discovering that I don’t always feel this way is something of a surprise to me. I guess in the long run there will be times for the seclusion of being by myself but also times where I might value the company of other travelers. Perhaps I am not that weird after all. 

Thanks for reading. 

After two months of shiplife… 

It took lots of research over a couple of years time before actually getting hired to work on a ship. It isn’t an easy job to get and deciding to end my contract early was not easy either. Working on a ship is nothing like working a land job but like land careers it has its pros and cons. I’ll attempt to share enough here to satisfy the curiosity of anyone considering shiplife or perhaps you are just wondering what it was like. There are endless YouTube videos on the subject but you might want to hear from someone you actually know, namely me. 

A little background 

I’ve always had what you might call a safe job. Fairly regular hours, mostly decent pay. We do what is needed to provide for our families. I’ve done this for most of my life. Even so we still struggled to make ends meet and never succeeded in getting ahead. When my wife of almost 30 years lost her battle with cancer, it gave me cause to evaluate my future. With the kids grown and I found for the first time in a long time there is no one to take care of but me.  For the most part my life seemed to consist of one stressful job after another. One day I changed all that by working at the Grand Ole Opry. This changed my perspective on what is possible. 

The research 

Deciding what it would take to be happy was and is still a work in progress. A friend and colleague told me about how he once worked on a ship and how much he loved it. That conversation was 7 or 8 years ago and although I did not act on it, the idea stuck in my head. At that time most of my kids were still at home and my wife was well. I’m sharing this part just to let you know when I first heard about shiplife. Fast forward to about 2015.  I decided to find work in an environment where people were mostly happy and excited. Thus began my research into jobs at hotels, tourist attractions, spas, amusement parks. I also began to develop a desire to travel. After much research it made the most sense to look into ship life. Free housing, free food, free travel to places I’d otherwise only dream of. 

Getting there

It wasn’t easy. After applying for several positions over the course of a year with no results, a friend stumbled upon an ad that seemed custom made. And so I began the application process. This included a lot of forms needing to be completed and a lot of waiting. Then a physical to determine if I was fit for duty. Having made it through all that,  I received my travel package to Vancouver so I could join a ship there.

Preparing to be homeless, sort of 

I was living in an apartment. Obviously I could not take my furniture, cookware, decorations, etc. with me to a tiny crew cabin. Even most of my clothes would be unnecessary since the crew basically spends most of the time in a uniform suited to function. And so I started giving things away to any of my family that would take them. Once they got tired of being offered second hand items, I started giving things away to neighbors, community centers and whoever else would take them. My goal was to only be left with what would fit in my car. I succeeded in this and also gave up the apartment. If part of the goal was to be rent free it would not make any sense to keep paying for an unused apartment. I knew it meant I’d have no where to call home but that really didn’t bother me at this point.  The notion of a “normal” life lost its meaning after I lost my wife. 

The journey  

I was now prepared to leave behind all that was familiar for a way of life I could not visualize except for the videos and pictures that others shared on the internet. After arranging for a family member to carsit, I left for Vancouver. Here I was, after hardly ever going anywhere, leaving the US to meet a ship in Canada. Thus began my adventure. After spending a night at a hotel, which was paid for by the cruise line as was the flight, a shuttle took us to the port. I say us, as there were several others who were transferring ships or beginning another contract. I was the only newby in the group.

On the ship 

To be honest, I don’t remember a lot about my first ship. It was the Nieuw Amsterdam. I was guided to my cabin by my manager, a young man from Bosnia. There I met my roommate from the UK. The room was tiny, tinier even than I could picture from all the videos I’d seen. Bunk beds, as I expected, a desk and chair, side by side closets, drawers under the bottom bunk for shoes and such, and of course a bathroom. I found that it was easier to stay in bed while my roommate got ready for work to avoid having to maneuver around each other. I didn’t know it at the time but this was to be the first of a total of five ships that I would be assigned to before eventually returning home. Who knows how many more ships I might have worked on if I had stayed. Let me say at this point that I was told how unusual it is to transfer to a second or third ship so soon after joining and I went through 5! My team on this ship was from all over: UK, Thailand, Argentina, India, and the US. Subsequently I would work with people from Bosnia, Serbia, Russia, Alaska, Brazil, Turkey, South Africa, Scotland, Italy and everywhere else. It was fun hearing so many different accents in such close proximity and such a brief time. 

I learned quickly that this was not casual photography. People would not be lined up awaiting their turn to have a photo taken and then happily purchase them. My previous work at the Opry spoiled me as there was really no pressure on guests to have their photo taken or to purchase. This was going to be much different. Sales and numbers were all important. Plus there was almost everything about photography that I did not know. I had a lot to learn. 


Sleeping 

The first person assigned to a cabin gets to choose bottom or top bunk. So as the NEOP, the term used for new hire, but also if you are new to the class (size) of a ship, I was given the top bunk. A short ladder was standard in each room to get up there but usually it was quicker to step on a chair then onto the desk and up into bed. You could not sit upright in the top bunk or you would hit your head. There was a curtain across each bunk that could be drawn for privacy. Each bunk also had it’s own light for reading and a switch to operate the room light so that you would not have to get out of bed to turn it off. Since there are no windows in crew cabins, without a light it is pitch black. There is no sunrise to awaken you so you better have an alarm. The bunks are not uncomfortable once you get in them. On one ship the room always felt very warm so I only used a sheet as a blanket. On another ship I was so cold that I used two blankets. Once you become accustomed to the size of the room and develop a rhythm where you and your room mate are not both getting ready at the same time it’s not bad at all.  Cabin availability is a bigger deal than one might imagine. You might even be transferred to another ship simply because there is not enough room. Several times I was fortunate to have a room all to myself but this is very uncommon and usually very temporary. 

Food 

The ships all have a crew mess on “A”  deck. This is the same deck where most petty officers and other staff live. A deck is just below deck 1. There is also an officers mess which may be somewhat nicer than the crew mess but that varies with the ship. Crew are the people who clean, cook, and maintain the ship. Staff are photographers, retail, entertainers, etc.  I was staff and a petty officer so we were permitted to eat on the Lido deck. Every ship of every line has a Lido deck or so I’m told. This is informal dining where you may eat just about anything you can imagine. I still could not tell you of some of the foods I tried as I couldn’t identify them. In the crew mess much of the food is oriented toward Indonesian and Phillipino diets. There are deserts galore and as much as I tried to resist I was not able to.

The job 

I mentioned earlier that being a photographer on a ship is not easy.  During embarkation we set up a shooting area for passengers boarding the ship. They are weary and many are grumpy so it’s not always the best time to take a photo.  Once on board we, the photogs as we’re called, walk around the ship and try to take photos of guests as we start our voyage. We also set up studios around the ship trying to get anyone to stop for a portrait. We photograph them each time they leave the ship for shore excursions, each formal night as they are eating dinner. We also try very hard to book them for upscale photo shoots. If you do not have a somewhat aggressive personality and love photography then I would not recommend this job. The photos are displayed in a gallary in the hope that they will be purchased. It’s the photogs job to sell them and maximum the number sold. I’m not gonna lie. If you have the right personality there is a lot of money to be made. 

Friends 

You cannot help but make friends. After 5 ships I met a wide variety of people from all over the world. Within minutes you are sharing stories and building close relationships. I still keep in touch with several of the people I worked with. You must remember that when you work on a cruise ship it is also your home. It’s where you eat and sleep.  It is a community of people who are literally all in the same boat. One night I walked into the crew mess and they were having a birthday party for one of the crew. Before I knew it there was a plate handed to me and I was thrust into the line for food. I didn’t understand a word they were speaking but I was part of the family.


The places  

I joined a ship that was cruising to Alaska. I’d never been there and heard it was among the most popular of cruises. To say that there were beautiful and amazing sights would be more than an understatement. If any of you who are American, in possession of a passport and pretty good with a dslr camera then you may have a fairly easy time getting hired. Only Americans may work in the Alaskan ports. Even now HAL is seeking American photographers. The Alaska run varies slightly with each ship but mostly you can expect to visit Vancouver, Ketchikan, Skagway, Juneau, Sitka, Victoria and you will see glaciers, lots of amazing, breathtaking glaciers. Seeing them is a surreal, change-your-view-of-the-world experience. Had I continued with the rest of my contract I would have ended my run in Australia or Singapore with many other amazing places along the way. 


The verdict 

If you can get a job aboard a ship I advise you to take the opportunity. A word of advice though. Find out all you can about the available positions. Make sure you are qualified for the work. Make sure you are willing to do it for 6 months or more. In my case I entered into a position which was not at all in line with my personality or skills and that was my mistake. For that reason I made the difficult decision to end my contract early. Now I am investigating other positions, the correct term is function, so that I can go back and pick up where I left off. If you have any questions I’ll try my best to answer. 

Get rid of all the things – Part VII

A few days ago I finally got rid of my largest and heaviest piece of furniture. For years a beautiful wood china cabinet had to be loaded and unloaded any time we moved. It displayed all of our wedding china and silverware. Now of course I have no need or use for such things. As is the way with minimalism, you get rid of that which is no longer useful or ceases to bring joy. As a widowed man, living alone, I can think of no occasion where I would need to pull out “the good china”.

And so, having fully embraced the idea of owning as little as possible, without any hesitation, and after lowering the selling price to a pathetic amount, I watched as this heirloom went out the door and onto the floor on the buyer’s flatbed trailer.

There are still many thing with which I need to part but I am not placing any pressure on myself to meet any deadlines. As it becomes convenient to find homes for the rest I will do so. Recently a coworker casually mentioned that she was about to shop for a large crockpot. Having replaced mine with a much smaller version, I was delighted to give her the large one, making both of us happy.

When a lounge chair broke a couple of weeks ago, although I was momentarily disappointed that I could no longer use it, I admit total satisfaction as I dumped it into the trash. An armchair that I am still using will stay until I no longer live in my current apartment. The same goes for an old school desk that is somewhat of an antique. The chair will find a home with one of my kids and so will the desk. For now neither is in my way. It won’t be long before the washer becomes non-functional after which I have no problem seeking out a local laundromat. There are no plans to burden myself with a replacement.

I’ve made so much progress since starting this journey and in a relatively short time. I could see where this lifestyle is not for everyone. I am glad to find it is working so well for me.

More to come soon.